if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
