Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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