I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
