I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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