In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
