I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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