I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Two words: blizzard sex
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
