why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
