We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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