I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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