My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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