Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
