If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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