what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
