I didn't shave. On purpose
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
