Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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