I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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