I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
