I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
