My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
