were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
