god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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