I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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