Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
