Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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