i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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