I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
