and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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