At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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