is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He felt like a one man threesome
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
