Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
