I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize