note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
