Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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