He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
