almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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