If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
