We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
