I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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