I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
