Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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