yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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