When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
