I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
