In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
