Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
