Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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