your parents love me but you hate me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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