do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My liver is preforming stress tests.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
