Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
