i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
