I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
