Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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