I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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