I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize