I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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