I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
