Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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