I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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