Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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