I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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