just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
