I accidentally had phone sex last night
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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