so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
