There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize