Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
