tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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