I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
